It’s Christmas!

Here’s your prezuuuhhhhnt!

Your own theme song.
(Sher why not)?

…and yer own Simpsons Lookalikes! (Why not?)

Happy Christmas.

Well, while you’re here you might as well get comfy. You can play this if you like:

(Your hair looks great by the way)


So, yeah… it’s Christmas.

But it’s also 2020. The ‘most wonderful time’ epithet is not much of an accomplishment for this absolute damp patch of a year…

It feels like a lifetime ago when we would roll our eyes and scoff at Chinese tourists, scurrying around with their masks.

Look at us now. With our designer face coverings.

I’d say when this is all over and done with people will keep their masks.

This Topman designer face-covering retails for just €18. Get rid of unwanted money while making a statement. Pay for the privilege of making your head into a billboard, and hide your dirty, manky face.

I don’t know about you, but secretly, beneath my mask, I’ve been experimenting with looking irked in front of people.

The eyes remain dead, the mouth irks.

I usually look irked inwardly, but the mask gives me free rein to do with my mouth as I please. And I haven’t had to wash my face in months.

I’ve always said I wish there was a way I could go outside without having to wash my face and this is the answer.

The Chinese, as usual, were way ahead of the curve.

But yeah, 2021.

I’m wishing ye a Happy New Year.

Could ’21 be worse?

Possibly… But at least it’ll be different.

You can play this if you like…

bada-bing bada-boom, eyyyyy

2021. Out with the old-new, and in with the newer-new, I suppose.

Everything used to be better in the past. Nowadays kids are rude, glitter bombings and frapes on the rise. There’s fornication on the streets, good-time Charlies out gallivanting…

I do get nostalgic though…

I came across an old website. From long before things like YouTube, or Facebook.
It collected old random photos from web directories.
…photos, that they had found…


And I was looking at all these old, random photographs from around 2004.

Back before people would edit themselves. It was all just a bit more dishevelled. In an endearing way.

Just a bunch of friends taking crappy pictures for the memory’s sake rather than for the likes. Like this classy lady. She didn’t give a fuck.

The photographic evidence is clear: People were happier.

We had more time to laugh, play music, and make blood offerings to our lord and saviour, Satan.

If this picture was taken by g oths today, they’d look at their Satanic Ritual Selfie and at least one of them would be like,
“Ugh, delete it”. “Don’t upload that one!”

Except that goths have disappeared.

Are you not nostalgic?

Yeah… just different times.

And remember those oldskool 90’s websites that were around long before YouTube? I miss those.

Hipsters and goths.

They’re just people now.

Maybe they evolved, and today their schtick is watching Japanese unboxing videos on YouTube while wearing fluorescent raincoats

Whoever and wherever they are, they should revive 90’s websites filled with animated gifs and music.


Weird to think how those days are gone, and now we’re heading into an altogether different world, a brand new decade. The new stuff will be old and there’ll be newer new stuff taking its place.

I wonder what’ll happen next. I wonder how tacky the 2010’s will appear from the rearview mirror. I wonder will they find a way to make turkey less dry

I wonder if we’ll finally have scratch and sniff emojis, and fully tactile VR dancing banana gifs.

Good times, good times.

That’s what I wish for ye in 2021. I hope ye can find all the things that were once good and find ways to bring them to the present.

Take air and gob less.


I mean it! No more. G’way now and enjoy your shelves.

Okay I’m actually enjoying rambling.


Let’s just take a moment…. take a breath, aaaaaannnnd


work it, work it!
oh! oh! oh! oh!
go nana, go nana, it’s your 80th birthday

Yure lissnin’ t’Kiss FM. Shout out to the boys, Tommy Mah’ny and Drugsy O’Dee cruising around knocka in their Souped-Up Clio.

Pure mogs.

The word ‘Mog’ should have a revival. I think it’s time.

Think about it.

There’s a whole generation of mogs out there who don’t even know that that’s what they are.

The lost Generation.

Of Mogs.

Okay Okay okay

That’s all we have time for today boys and girls. And remember, for a chance to win that trip to Mosney send your answers on a postcard to P.O Box 2222, Donnybrook, Dublin 4.

To end our night we have the Billy Barry Kids singing, “Santa’s Got A Gift For The Human Centipede”, round of applause ladies and gentlemen for the BILLY BARRY KIIIIIDS